Heartache

Pregnancy number three ended yesterday.

It still hasn't really settled in for me yet.

Briefly, I spent 8 hours in the ER on my birthday (Thursday) because the spotting got heavier. I went back to the hospital on Friday afternoon for an ultrasound. I went to the ER, and sat there for about 4 hours before I finally got the results, that I'd had a partial miscarriage. Then, I waited in the ER until past midnight to see the OB/Gyn on call, who decided a D & C was the best option, and also decided to admit me. I was finally brought upstairs at 1:30 AM. They were supposed to do the D & C by around 9 AM, but I ended up waiting until 7 PM. I got home around 10:30 PM last night.

Physically, I'm doing okay. Emotionally, I'm kind of on shut-down.

The doctor said it looks like the pregnancy made it to about 6 weeks, 6 days. This means that I must have lost it just after that last ultrasound, where I saw the heartbeat.

Today, Andrea asked about the baby again. That was tough. I explained that there wasn't one anymore. Thankfully, she didn't ask too many questions, but just said "it's not fair." I have to agree with that. But I know this is God's/nature's way of taking care of a baby that was probably very sick.

I'll be okay. We'll be okay. It's just been a rotten few days . . . sigh.